Grief is a Boomerang

Grief with chronic illness doesn’t move in stages, it moves in circles. You think you’ve “processed it,” checked the box, and then out of nowhere it comes flying back like a boomerang and knocks the wind out of you again. Not because you’ve failed, but because this is life with a chronic illness. The problem isn’t the return of grief, it’s the expectation that it should have stayed gone. We’ve been sold this idea that healing is a straight line, when in reality it’s more like a loop you keep walking with slightly better shoes each time. Accepting the boomerang means dropping the fantasy that you’ll outgrow your pain and instead recognizing that every return is just another layer of contact with a life that didn’t turn out the way you planned. And strangely, that acceptance doesn’t make you weaker, it makes you harder to bullshit, including by yourself.

Dr. Jeff Bone