Living in a Riot

I’ve grown too old for the mosh pit, but I was once a young man bouncing off others enthusiastically to loud music. My present mosh pit, is the collection of physical ailments I have collected with my CVID and I have found living with a chronic illness can feel like trying to build a life in the middle of a riot. There is noise that never fully stops, alarms in the body that flare or develops infections without warning, and a constant sense that something scary is just about to happen. It was thrilling when I was young and could leave the venue after the concert, but this is riot I can’t get a refund for. Plans are interrupted and sleep is inconsistent, whether too little or far too much. The nervous system scanning for danger the way a person in a crowd might look for an exit. Even ordinary tasks can carry the tension of moving through chaos, unsure what might happen next. Over time, you learn how to protect your energy, how to find pockets of steadiness, how to speak calmly to a body that feels like it is shouting into a microphone. You learn that survival is not a riot. It’s choosing where to step, who to trust, when to rest, and how to create a balance within yourself when the outside world, and sometimes your own physiology, feels out of control. It’s a new dance everyday, but there is a flow and familiarity to it day to day. If you find yourself attempting to gather yourself in the middle of a riot and could use some assistance, reach out and we can discuss your options.

Dr. Jeffrey Bone