Forever Is a Mighty Long Time

The word “chronic” brings us face to face with the word “forever.” At least, forever as we know our diagnosis and what the world of medicine has at its disposal for treatment at this time. It’s the diagnosis that does not resolve asking us to grieve not only what has been lost, but what will not return. The future no longer stretches out as an open field of assumptions and planning days, weeks, or months ahead becomes a hazy guess at what life may exist in the future. It becomes something we must build with different materials. There is fear in that realization, and anger, and a quiet loneliness that comes from recognizing that many people around us still live as if their bodies are promises that can be easily kept. Yet as we reside in this body, the body I will inhabit for the rest of my life, then how do I want to relate to it. This is where free will enters into the discussion. If these symptoms are companions to my journey, how can I meet them as partners rather than being engaged in constant war with our imperfections. Chronic illness does not erase the possibility of meaning. It asks us to stop postponing our lives until we are fixed and to begin shaping a life that includes pain, uncertainty, and limits as part of the human story rather than as a detour from it. The detours and grief are real and while some hopes and dreams have been altered by this new reality, meaning still exists and we can choose how to build with the materials that remain for us to build from as we move forward. It is different and it will remain different, but different isn’t worthless, it’s unexpected and is an opportunity to restore a story that has been altered by illness.

Dr. Jeffrey Bone