When Sandman Doesn’t Show
The sun rising is often a welcomed sight, but I have lived too many nights where I was never offered the opportunity for sleep and the daybreak was a cruel tip of the hat to how the rest of my day was to unfold with no sleep. Coping with chronic illness, pain, and insomnia has required me explore all the different approaches one can take to find right and the one I have found works the best, is the way of not even trying at all. I have learned that suffering expands when I argue with it and relaxes when I allow it to be there. As Jung once said, whatever you resist will persist, which can include a sleepless night. At night, when the house is quiet and the body and mind are loud, I practice noticing. I notice the hum of nerve pain in my head and foot, the restless current under my skin. I let the sensations exist without turning them into a story about danger or a verdict about my future, especially my future ability to find rest. Allowing does not mean I’m sitting in my bed enjoying my symptoms. It means I drop the extra layer of resistance that keeps the nervous system braced. In my guided meditations (as found in my store, wink wink), I help people increase their perception of safety around the very sensations they fear. We practice meeting pain with curiosity, insomnia with patience, and the body with reassurance. As the brain begins to register that these sensations are uncomfortable but not catastrophic, the grip of alarm takes a step back and calm can become more present in the moment. Rest becomes possible not because the symptoms vanish, because I’ve been waiting a decade for that magic trick, but because the fight does. Over time, the body learns that night is not a battlefield. I would also say love isn’t a battlefield either, but I might be dating myself with that reference, sorry Pat. Instead, the night becomes a place where even a hurting system can settle and just for a few hours, may they be unbroken, can you find a an oasis to restore your ailing body. If you seek more guidance on this topic, visit the store on this website or reach out to me to discuss it further.
Dr. Jeffrey Bone